Talking to a Toddler (Pt. 2)

Scene: Pulling into the Daycare parking lot. The building beside the daycare was having a new roof installed.

Lee: Hello up there!

Lee: (Louder this time) I said, hello up there!

Man on roof: Hey down there!

Lee: What are you doing up there, my man?

Scene: D, Lee and I are laying in bed watching the History Channel show “Alone”. I have a mosquito bite on my hip that I just noticed.

Lee: Mom, get your hand out of your pants before I beat you up.

Me: Haha Lee! Hey look, I know that you’re kidding, but let’s not threaten Momma.

Lee: (Huffs) Mom please, I’m not really going to beat you up.

Scene: D, Lee, Evie and I sitting at the dining room table eating dinner.

Lee: **closes his eyes** Dad, turn the lights on. It’s so dark in here.

D: Son, open your eyes.

Lee: **opens his eyes** Wow, that is so much better.

Scene: In my car, on the way to Daycare one morning last week – –

Lee: Mom

Me: What?

Lee: Mom

Me: What?

Lee: Mom, Mom, Mom, Momma, Mommy, Mom, Mommmmmm, Mommy, Momma, Mom, Mom, Mommmmmmmm

Me: What?

Lee: I like your name.

On the way home from Daycare yesterday, Lee and Evie each had a book in their carseat.

Lee: I’m finished. Evie, do you want to read mine now? We can swap. (Lee launches his book at Evie, who, surprisingly, catches it.)

Lee: Now Evie, give me yours.

Lee: Evie, you have to share! (Evie has a book in each hand and is waving them around.)

Lee: I’m always in trouble for sharing with you and look at you over there not sharing with me. I want to read your book, please give me your book. (Evie continues waving both books around with a big smile on her face.)

Lee: I really just don’t know why you are like this to me.

Scene: Late afternoon, Lee and I sitting on the couch, sharing a packet of fruit snacks.

Lee: Evie is my brother.

Me: No, Evie is your sister. You are her brother.

Lee: Am I your brother?

Me: No baby, you are my son and I am your Mommy.

Lee: But why?

Me: Because I grew you in my tummy.

Lee: That’s pretty cool. Who is MY brother?

Me: You don’t have one baby.

Lee: I really want a brother. May I please have a brother? Mom, I need a brother NOW! We’ll get one tomorrow. May I please get a brother tomorrow?

Scene: Lee climbing into bed with us to “wind down” before he goes to bed.

Lee: I want to watch Scooby-Doo.

Me: Nope, can’t do it.

Lee: Why not?

Me: It’s my bed and I make the rules.

Lee: Actually, it’s Daddy’s bed and he loves Scooby-Doo (he hands me the remote). Put it on now or I will tell on you.

Scene: Lee and I are in the kitchen cooking up some macaroni and cheese.

Lee: Why are you doing that (gestures towards me stirring the noodles)?

Me: To keep the noodles from sticking to each other or the pan.

Lee: But why?

Me: Because they’ll be much better this way.

Lee: But why?

Me: Because.. science..?

Lee: That’s not right, I’m pretty sure.

Me: Well. You would be wrong.

Lee: Whatever you say you crazy girl.

Scene: Lee is helping me water the flowers on the porch.

Me: I really don’t feel all that well. I think I have a headache coming on.

Lee: Or maybe you just need to poop.

Scene: Lee running into the living room from the bathroom.

Me: You good bud?

Lee: Yep, just pooped.

Me: Did you get cleaned up?

Lee: I sure did, wanna see my butt?

Lee has also become quite the comedian and really enjoys entertaining with his jokes.

xxx A


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