I returned to work this past Monday after a blissful seven week Maternity Leave. The transition has been relatively smooth and our little family is working on getting settled into our new routine.
This morning, however, my two babes were working in conjunction to ensure that we would not make it out the front door at all, much less on time. I like to be out the door by 6:50 A.M., at the absolute latest, because this puts me at work close to 7:45 A.M., where I can enjoy a quiet cup of coffee while tending to e-mails before anyone else arrives.
That did not happen this morning.
By 6:00 A.M. I am showered, dressed, and taking over Lee and Evie from D. He kisses all of us good-bye and is out the door. Normally, D goes ahead and has both kids dressed and has given Evie her bottle and Lee his milk cup. He told me that Evie was still sleeping so she still needed to be dressed. However, I did not process this to mean that she had yet to have her bottle. I was under the impression that she had had her bottle and gone back to sleep. I was wrong.
After watching cartoons with Lee for about 15 minutes, I get off the couch to get Evie dressed. Lee and I get her ready and bring her back to the couch with us when Lee asks for a cup of juice. As I open the refrigerator, a full bottle catches my eye.
Quickly, I text D and ask him if he fed Evie, he says he has not.
“Okay, no worries! I still have 20 minutes!” I think to myself.
I sit back down between the babes and pull Evie into my lap for her bottle. She drinks half of it and as I am burping her I feel her pushing. She then starts to make little grunting noises. I hold her upright and help her squeeze in an attempt to finish this little poop process faster, because, if given the option, she will take her sweet time.
While I’m holding Evie and she is going potty, Lee jumps off the couch and tells me he needs to go poop.
The three of us head to the bathroom where I lay Evie down on a folded up towel and get Lee situated. I put his little Mickey Mouse toilet seat cushion on the toilet so that I don’t have to hold him and help him climb up. As soon as he is situated, Evie starts spitting up. Understandably, all of the pushing she was doing has caused her formula to come back up. I snatch her up and make sure she has gotten everything back up.
“Baby, don’t get off the potty, okay? Yell for me when you are done and I’ll come help you!” I tell Lee as I walk Evie out into the hallway to get her cleaned up and changed.
“Mommy, I don’t want this Mickey Mouse seat!” he hollers from the bathroom.
“Let’s leave it where it is baby man! You’ll fall in if you don’t have it,” I answer, thinking the matter is settled.
I have Evie stripped naked and am cleaning her backside when I hear a thud, like plastic hitting tile.
“MOMMY HELP, MOMMY HELP, MY BUTT IS WET, MY BUTT IS WET!!” Lee screams from the bathroom.
With a naked infant under my arm, I rush back into the bathroom, stand Lee up on the stool in front of the toilet and put his cushion back on the seat. I tell him to sit back down and finish and I’ll be right back.
I may have also threatened him, but that’s neither here nor there.
I have Evie’s diaper on and am pulling a onesie over her head when Lee comes waddling out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.
“Mommy, can you wipe my butt?” he asks. Standing beside me, completely outside of the bathroom. I grab a wipe from Evie’s changing table and get him cleaned up.
“Go flush the potty and wash your hands,” I tell him as I finish getting Evie dressed.
“Mommy, did you put powder on Evie’s butt?” Lee asks.
“I did baby,” I answer.
“Do you wanna put powder on my butt?” he asks, very seriously.
“No baby, go flush the potty and wash your hands. Come on, we have got to go!”
I walk Evie into the living room and she has just finished the last of her bottle when Lee appears again.
“Did you flush the potty? Did you wash your hands?” I ask him as I hoist her onto my shoulder to burp her.
“I washed my hands,” he says.
I stand up and start walking towards the bathroom to flush the potty when Evie starts spitting up again. It’s 7:05 A.M. now.
As I’m changing Evie once more, Lee comes running at me with my shoes and my watch and starts trying to get me ready as I’m trying to get Evie ready.
“We have to go Mommy, we have to go!” he yells, suddenly in a rush, as I step into my shoes.
By the very hardest, but with clean butts, we all managed to make it to school/work, albeit a little bit late and one of us with spit up down the back of her shirt. So, once again, I ask you, is it Friday yet?