Woman, calm yourself

Do you ever take a step back, examine your life, and wonder if you are on the right path? I have always set extremely high goals for myself and I worry that, lately, I’ve gotten a little too comfortable.

Ya girl kicked ass in high school. During my Junior year, I was the Editor-In-Chief of our school’s newspaper, the Vice President of Student Council, and worked part time writing a column for our town’s local newspaper.

During my Senior year, I kept my title as Editor-In-Chief of the school’s paper, was President of Student Council, and worked two part time jobs after school and on the weekends. I answered phones and ran errands for an Engineering firm and worked as a cashier at a bookstore.

Upon graduating, I had enough scholarships to cover a little over half of my tuition to the University of Mississippi, so I figured.. what the hell, I can do this, right? My Dad was disappointed because our local community college would have let me obtain an Associate’s degree for free. For some insane reason, I like to challenge myself. I also like to prove to my Dad that he isn’t right about everything. (Pretty much everything he has ever told me I could not do, I did just to show him that he was wrong. Looking back on it, I think he knew what he was doing… ).

So, university. Here we go. I was still working at the bookstore, about 30 hours a week between classes and cleaning an office building on the weekend. I started out as a Journalism major, but switched to Marketing Communications soon after. About halfway through the first semester of Freshman year, I told my parents that I was moving out. My Dad laughed and said something along the lines of, “See ya in a week”. Wrong once again Pops, but I think you knew that would be the case, didn’t you?

“Working hard” at the bookstore

Meanwhile, I had just ended things with my first ever serious boyfriend. He had gotten someone else pregnant… but lets not get into that now. I started dating an Army ROTC cadet. He was gorgeous, spoke Russian fluently and had traveled the world and I really just did not like him at all. You see, I had a coughing fit in a lecture hall and he came to my aid, tossing me an unopened bottle of water (swoon). Which led to lunch. Which led to a few dates. Which led to me still just not liking him. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Towards the end of this particular semester, D made his appearance.

And he never left, thank goodness.

Junior year, D and I moved in together in that sweet little cabin I told you about in an earlier post and hollaaaaa, no rent. That was a true lifesaver. It was around this time, early 2013, that I landed a job as a bank teller. It paid so well (for someone my age) that I only needed the one job for the first time in years. Life was good.

The kitchen in the cabin.

And then D decided that we were getting married. Or did I decide for him?

I’ll never tell.

My co-workers surprised me with a new nameplate when I came back from my Honeymoon.

Anyway, mid-Junior year D was getting heavy into his Engineering course work and was only able to work a few hours a week. Knowing full well what an Engineer could possibly make and how absolutely brilliant D was, I took a job (at the same bank) as a full-time teller and switched to night and online courses so that he wouldn’t spread himself too thin. Right before my Senior year began, yet another position became available (at the same bank) and I was asked to take it. I did. Two promotions in three years. In my head I was absolutely killing it.

Showing my Dad my diploma.

Finally, and by the grace of God, I graduated on time (4 years). I was married (disgustingly in love), in a job that I liked, and happy. I made it my personal goal to learn everything about my position at work and tried to make myself irreplaceable. Due to personnel turnover in early 2016, a fantastic opportunity presented itself before me. Another promotion. It was offered to me and I hungrily accepted it. And that is where I am now.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job.

I love that every morning, I am able to get my son up and ready for school. I am able to sit on the couch and watch cartoons with him for a while before I load him in the car and take him to school. I come into work around 8, I get an hour lunch break at noon, and then I am off and back on my way to get my little man at 4 —  all the while, being paid for a 40 hour workweek with ahhhh-mazing benefits.

Watching his morning toons while I get him a cup of juice.

In the position that I currently hold, I will probably never be able to fully master every aspect of my job. I create and maintenance almost all of the services and products that we offer. And with the ever-changing world that we live in, there is always something new to learn and new technology to try and figure out. Some days (if someone is out), I work side by side with the tellers, which I enjoy. I love running a teller drawer, I actually miss it. Most days, I work beside my boss who is very generous with his time and goes out of his way to explain to me why we are doing what we are doing, the way that we are doing it (as I work at a bank, I don’t want to get too specific here, you understand, I’m sure). Our CEO and CFO are a phone call away and care very deeply about their employees. I could call either one at any time, even just to say hello.

And yet, last week I found myself scrutinizing my life. In my head, all I could hear was, “Couldn’t you be doing more? Shouldn’t you have accomplished more by now?”

When I brought it up to my Mom, she asked a very thought provoking question, “Could you be doing something that you love more while maintaining the same lifestyle that you currently have?” And the answer is no. I really enjoy my job and the people I work with. Sure, we all have those days where anything and everything is an annoyance, but for the most part, I am happy.

When I was pregnant with Lee, three of my regular customers brought me boxes of diapers and two others brought me little outfits for him. Nearly every single person who sits at my desk points to his picture and asks me about him. My regulars ask for updates on his abilities and personality traits and, of course, to see any current pictures/videos on my phone.

If I’m being completely honest, the more that I think about it, all I really want out of this life is a house full of kids and my babe by my side. And, I mean, we have an architect working on house plans, we have an amazing little guy (with plans to have more), and a very happy marriage…

And this job lets me have that.

So, Angela, you’re only 25. Calm down. Breathe. Life is good.

Mother’s Day Breakfast 2018

One Comment Add yours

  1. Heidi says:

    Personally, I don’t see what the problem is. So, you’re an overachiever. I guess you’ll just have to live with the consequences of pushing yourself.


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